My Testimony
My parents started attending church when I was just eight months old. All my growing up years, I had such a heart to be saved and serve God with my life. I knew I was a sinner and remember going forward a couple of times as a pre-teen and young teenager wanting to be saved, but always walked away confused because I was told something seemed to be missing, or I wasn’t repentant enough. I was frustrated that nobody would tell me what was missing or how I could be more repentant.
When I was 18, our church went to a youth camp out in Colorado. After one service, I remember someone came up and read Proverbs 29:1:
“He that being often reproved hardeneth his neck, shall suddenly be destroyed, and that without remedy.”
I knew the Lord had been convicting me, and I was so scared that I had been hardening my heart to Him. I went forward that night and stated that I wanted to be saved. I remember being told again that it seemed like something was missing. I was so frustrated that I blurted out, “Well, how do you know if you are not ready to be saved then?”
I remember Bro. Shaffer coming over at that time and showing me in the Bible how to know if you are ready to be saved. He talked about how God convicts us of our sin, righteousness, and judgment. I knew I was a sinner and deserved Hell. One of the verses that he read that night was Isaiah 64:6:
“But we are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are as filthy rags; and we all do fade as a leaf; and our iniquities, like the wind, have taken us away.”
I thought then I finally had the answer! I wasn’t repentant of my “good deeds.” I repented of my sins that night and asked the Lord to save me from them. I was finally saved!... or so I thought for the next 13 years.
Over the next several years, my family went through some very hard times. I know the Lord protected me and kept me right where I needed to be. I ended up meeting and marrying my wonderful husband at the age of 28 and moved my membership to my new church. Over these 13 years, I would have times where I would have severe doubts of my salvation and couldn’t get over some reoccurring sins in my life and struggled to have a consistent walk with the Lord.
At first, the doubts were not super frequent but got more frequent as time went on. Every time I would have doubts, I would pray that God would show me if I was saved or not. I felt so confused as to why I would be doubting my salvation and would always go back to the profession that I made. I clung to 1 Corinthians 14:33:
“For God is not the author of confusion…”
I failed to know the rest of the verse that also talks about a God of peace as well. I figured that since I felt so confused, this must be Satan trying to ruin my Christian walk and could not be of God.
As the years went on, these times of doubt became more and more frequent. Looking back now, I see how many times the Lord tried to show me I wasn’t really saved. I became more and more anxious about everything. I worried about everything and was to the point of being physically sick. I had such terrible stomach issues all the time.
In 2021, there were several people in our church that had thought they also were saved and got true salvation. I remember trying to be happy for them, but instead I was just miserable. In March of 2021, I yet again started doubting my salvation. I decided I needed to truly ask the Lord to show me if I was saved or not. I was done trying to convince myself everything was fine. I went the whole week asking the Lord to show me, but not wanting to talk to anyone about it until I truly knew if I was saved or not, because if I was, I didn’t want anyone to know that I was doubting my salvation.
Friday morning, I was so overcome with conviction and knew I needed to talk to someone because I couldn’t find the answers. Nick was at work already, and I texted him and asked him to pray because I didn’t know if I was saved or not. I was so nervous and proud to admit to anyone that I might not be saved. He asked why I thought I wasn’t saved, and I told him I didn’t know, because I was repentant of my sins back when I made my profession and really wanted to be saved from them.
He shared with me Romans 10 and how it talks about having a zeal for God but not according to knowledge, and how we can be ignorant of God’s righteousness. It isn’t enough to just believe in God—we need His righteousness, which can only be had by taking Jesus as our Lord and Saviour, not just a Saviour from our sins. True faith in Christ is always going to be complete faith, which means that there is going to be nothing held back.
Romans 10:9 says:
“That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.”
We choose Christ and His salvation because we know it is nothing we can do on our own. We can have salvation not because of how terrible we are but because of who God is! Repentance isn’t just turning from our sin, but turning to the Lord, and allowing Him to be our Lord.
I realized that I had wanted a Saviour for my sins but wasn’t looking for a Lord for my life. That day I truly gave my whole life to the Lord to be in control of. My life was no longer mine to be in control of. There was nothing I could do or say right to receive salvation. It was all about what God had done for me.
I remember driving from one of my kids’ doctor’s appointments and just giving it all to the Lord. I was sorry for my wicked self, but more importantly, I was turning to the Lord and asking Him to be my LORD and Saviour—not just a Saviour of my sins. I knew right then that He truly saved me. There has truly been a change in my heart that only the Lord can give.
When I was 18, our church went to a youth camp out in Colorado. After one service, I remember someone came up and read Proverbs 29:1:
“He that being often reproved hardeneth his neck, shall suddenly be destroyed, and that without remedy.”
I knew the Lord had been convicting me, and I was so scared that I had been hardening my heart to Him. I went forward that night and stated that I wanted to be saved. I remember being told again that it seemed like something was missing. I was so frustrated that I blurted out, “Well, how do you know if you are not ready to be saved then?”
I remember Bro. Shaffer coming over at that time and showing me in the Bible how to know if you are ready to be saved. He talked about how God convicts us of our sin, righteousness, and judgment. I knew I was a sinner and deserved Hell. One of the verses that he read that night was Isaiah 64:6:
“But we are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are as filthy rags; and we all do fade as a leaf; and our iniquities, like the wind, have taken us away.”
I thought then I finally had the answer! I wasn’t repentant of my “good deeds.” I repented of my sins that night and asked the Lord to save me from them. I was finally saved!... or so I thought for the next 13 years.
Over the next several years, my family went through some very hard times. I know the Lord protected me and kept me right where I needed to be. I ended up meeting and marrying my wonderful husband at the age of 28 and moved my membership to my new church. Over these 13 years, I would have times where I would have severe doubts of my salvation and couldn’t get over some reoccurring sins in my life and struggled to have a consistent walk with the Lord.
At first, the doubts were not super frequent but got more frequent as time went on. Every time I would have doubts, I would pray that God would show me if I was saved or not. I felt so confused as to why I would be doubting my salvation and would always go back to the profession that I made. I clung to 1 Corinthians 14:33:
“For God is not the author of confusion…”
I failed to know the rest of the verse that also talks about a God of peace as well. I figured that since I felt so confused, this must be Satan trying to ruin my Christian walk and could not be of God.
As the years went on, these times of doubt became more and more frequent. Looking back now, I see how many times the Lord tried to show me I wasn’t really saved. I became more and more anxious about everything. I worried about everything and was to the point of being physically sick. I had such terrible stomach issues all the time.
In 2021, there were several people in our church that had thought they also were saved and got true salvation. I remember trying to be happy for them, but instead I was just miserable. In March of 2021, I yet again started doubting my salvation. I decided I needed to truly ask the Lord to show me if I was saved or not. I was done trying to convince myself everything was fine. I went the whole week asking the Lord to show me, but not wanting to talk to anyone about it until I truly knew if I was saved or not, because if I was, I didn’t want anyone to know that I was doubting my salvation.
Friday morning, I was so overcome with conviction and knew I needed to talk to someone because I couldn’t find the answers. Nick was at work already, and I texted him and asked him to pray because I didn’t know if I was saved or not. I was so nervous and proud to admit to anyone that I might not be saved. He asked why I thought I wasn’t saved, and I told him I didn’t know, because I was repentant of my sins back when I made my profession and really wanted to be saved from them.
He shared with me Romans 10 and how it talks about having a zeal for God but not according to knowledge, and how we can be ignorant of God’s righteousness. It isn’t enough to just believe in God—we need His righteousness, which can only be had by taking Jesus as our Lord and Saviour, not just a Saviour from our sins. True faith in Christ is always going to be complete faith, which means that there is going to be nothing held back.
Romans 10:9 says:
“That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.”
We choose Christ and His salvation because we know it is nothing we can do on our own. We can have salvation not because of how terrible we are but because of who God is! Repentance isn’t just turning from our sin, but turning to the Lord, and allowing Him to be our Lord.
I realized that I had wanted a Saviour for my sins but wasn’t looking for a Lord for my life. That day I truly gave my whole life to the Lord to be in control of. My life was no longer mine to be in control of. There was nothing I could do or say right to receive salvation. It was all about what God had done for me.
I remember driving from one of my kids’ doctor’s appointments and just giving it all to the Lord. I was sorry for my wicked self, but more importantly, I was turning to the Lord and asking Him to be my LORD and Saviour—not just a Saviour of my sins. I knew right then that He truly saved me. There has truly been a change in my heart that only the Lord can give.